Olivia had been a vibrant person who enjoyed every minute of her life until she realized she had a dreadful hereditary disease that would eventually rob her of speech and movement. She had watched the disease take the life of her mother and grandmother. She understood that she would ultimately be reduced to a state of mere consciousness, simply “being there” in a body over which she no longer had any control.
After five years of not being able to communicate with her husband or caregivers, Olivia was at a very low point, and was convinced she would be in a state of hopeless limbo until she died. One day, a new person came to her room at the nursing home, and over time, the two women developed a unique connection.
The woman was Bonnie Crosier. Bonnie has the gift of telepathy and eventually she could understand Olivia’s thoughts. As they became friends and spent more time together, Bonnie helped Olivia express her hopes and fears. This powerful experience took them on an unexpected journey, and along the way, they both found the courage to explore difficult issues and trust in their faith.
The following excerpts describe Bonnie’s journey to helping Olivia in Bonnie’s book A Falling Star (available on Amazon.com).
Olivia was awake and very alert today. She moved her eyes when I talked to her, and didn’t have that faraway look. When I asked her questions, she would raise or lower her eye lids. Was she communicating with me? I repeated the questions and she did it again, as if she comprehended what I was saying.
Her facial skin was very dry, so I gently smoothed some lotion on her face. She actually smiled while I applied the lotion. I just looked at her and asked, “Are you smiling at me?” She raised her eyebrows. It was very surprising for someone who was “non-communicative and non-responsive” to be so expressive. Maybe the Reiki was helping with that. Maybe Olivia had begun to trust me and to feel safe with me. It could have been a number of things, but that really didn’t matter. What mattered was that she had someone who noticed this small detail in her behavior.
I had checked with the hospice volunteer coordinator to see if others had noticed any responses from Olivia, and the answer was no. She wondered why I asked that question, and wanted to know if I had gotten anything from her. I told her that it was really nothing specific, and that I had asked more out of curiosity. Sheryl knew that I connected with people on another level at times and was quite curious to know if that might work with Olivia. We had made a pact that if any information was learned through such contact, it wouldn’t be shared with other hospice employees and volunteers. We weren’t sure how this type of communication would be accepted.
Olivia was coughing so much more today. When I recited the Angel prayer, she kept her eyes on me the whole time. Most of the time, Olivia lay on her bed in a fetal position and had to be turned by the nursing home staff. Dressing her was a challenge, so she wore a hospital gown most of the time. I felt the need to concentrate the Reiki on her knees today. After the treatment, she started to straighten her legs a bit. Her response seemed simply amazing!
As I left, I told her I would be back in a week, and I looked forward to seeing her soon. Her eyes followed me as I left the room.
Later that day, I met with Brian and received confirmation that the blueberry smoothie was a hit. He asked if I sensed anything else for her. I told him no, nothing now. He asked that if I got any more “hints” from her, to let him know. He would do anything for her.
Brian asked again if I was a psychic, and this time, I decided to come clean with him. I told him I did sense things from time to time, but really wanted to concentrate on my healing. He accepted that. He was starting to feel the positive effects from the energy healing and knew it seemed to be helping Olivia. He mentioned that she seemed a little more alert when he visited. He was excited to see her responding when he arrived, and I sensed she was, too!
February 23
Up to this point, my visits had all followed the same pattern. Today was a little different. She wrinkled her forehead and had an almost scared look on her face. Her eyes got red and she became a little tearful. I stayed a little longer this time because each time I tried to pull my hands away, she would grab them tightly.
I asked her simple questions, and this time she looked at me as if to say, “I understand, but how do I tell you?” I tried to answer her, as if she was verbal, but that only resulted in frustration for both of us.
I looked in her eyes and told her that I was there for her, and that I would be with her till she no longer needed me. I told her I looked forward to each visit and that if I could do anything for her, I would. She looked back at me, and I sensed a bond was really forming between us. I told her that when the time was right and we could communicate, I would do my best to understand.
February 29
I began our visit with the Angel Prayer and started the therapy session. She had a troubled expression on her face and looked as if she might begin to cry. I sat and just watched, and then I decided to try something new. I telepathically asked her if I could engage in her energy.
Almost immediately, I began to “hear” her asking, “Why me, why me…” I didn’t know if I should acknowledge that, but after a short time I did. I said out loud, “I don’t know why you.” She got a funny look on her face and squeezed my hand. Was she responding? Was I really hearing her? It suddenly seemed as if the barrier between us had been removed… so I just decided to plunge in and keep that telepathic “conversation” going.
Me: I think I can hear you! I told you after one of our first visits I knew you had a lot you wanted to say. If you have something you want to say, I will try to listen, but I’ll need your help.
Olivia: Are you sure you can hear me?
Me: “Yes I can hear you.” I whispered aloud. I will answer you telepathically by repeating part of your question and you squeeze my hand if I’ve heard you right. Can you do that? (She squeezed my hand.)
Olivia: Yes. I’m scared.
Me: I understand you are scared. I totally get that. I feel you have seen the other side. (She squeezed my hand again.)
Olivia: I think so.
Me: Was there anything scary when you went to the other side before?
Olivia: No
Me: What scares you?
Olivia: I’m not sure. Is it really like that? Can you really hear me?
She had a puzzled look on her face, and given the amount of time she had been locked inside herself, I could empathize with her confusion. After each response, she squeezed my hand, confirming that we connected through our thoughts.
Me: I don’t know what you have seen. Yes, I can hear you.
Olivia: Will I be like this?
Me: When?
Olivia: When I, you know, leave here.
Me: Heavens no! You will be whole. No more pain, no more confusion. You will be back to your original spirit form.
Olivia: Am I going to hell?
Me: Oh no, I don’t think so. I don’t believe people go to hell when they pass on. It seems to me more like you have been living in a form of hell now. You will eventually enter your next phase of life. Eternal life is spirit, and spirit energy never dies. It is pure and whole.
Olivia: Can you communicate with spirits?
Me: Yes, I can communicate with spirits sometimes, if they want to communicate with me.
Olivia: Will we be able to communicate once I’m gone?
Me: Do you want to?
Olivia: Yes, I think so.
Me: I can communicate with a spirit that wants to communicate with me. Like I said, your energy will never die. Those of us who can connect with your energy can receive messages from you.
Olivia: Does it hurt to die?
Me: I don’t know if there is pain at the time of passing. I can’t answer that one. I haven’t passed in this life. I can tell you that the couple of people I sat with while they passed had the most wonderful look of peace on their face once they crossed over. I can only imagine that it is a very peaceful stage of transition. From what I’ve been told, there is no pain when passing.
Olivia: Are you my angel?
Me: Wow, I guess I could be your earth angel.
Olivia: I think you are my angel.
Me: Thank you, that’s quite a compliment!
Olivia: You keep coming to visit me. I have been checking you out! Are you sure I won’t be going to hell?
Me: I don’t believe hell is the next stage of life. I believe there are different levels of afterlife, and that hell is a place you create.
Olivia: That’s not what I had been led to believe.
Me: I know there are different beliefs and mine is that there are different levels of afterlife.
Olivia: When will I be going?
Me: I don’t know when you will go. I don’t have the answer to that question.
Olivia: You can’t see that?
Me: No, I can’t see when people will pass. I don’t want to know that. If I knew that, I guess I would be God and there is only one God!
Olivia: Yes.
When I told her I had to leave, she didn’t want to let go of my hand. Her eyes sparkled. Telepathically I told her I would be back, and she squeezed my hand.
Olivia: You’ll be back right?
Me: Yes, I wouldn’t miss seeing you again.
Olivia: God bless you!
Me: God bless you, too!
When I got to my car, I sat for a few minutes and thought about what had happened in there. I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions. Was I really connecting with her, or was I imagining the whole thing? I tried to rationalize my “conversation” with Olivia, and immediately I got flashbacks of my grandmother and how we could communicate without words. Was that validation for my day with Olivia? There were just so many questions, and being the skeptic I am, I wanted validation that my experience was real.
I thanked God for this experience and that now, Olivia might be able to say the things that were most important to her. What a blessing and honor to be a part of her path! A deep sense of gratitude came over me. I jotted down some notes about our conversation before I left the nursing home parking lot.
In the Spiritualist teachings, the “levels” of afterlife Olivia and I talked about are also described as “planes” of spiritual existence. A spirit progresses through seven levels, and along the way, different abilities and self-awareness are achieved through teaching, learning and exploration of the Universe and all its elements.
March 7
I entered the room, took off my coat and sat in the chair next to the bed. Olivia seemed listless, like she’d had a hard day. I decided to try to communicate telepathically. I told her I would not be speaking out loud and that I wanted her to validate what I was getting from her by squeezing my hand. She opened her hand and I took that as a sign that she wanted to talk. I held her hand and asked her if she had anything on her mind.
Olivia: I’m so tired.
Me: I know you’re tired. I can tell by the look on your face.
Olivia: I don’t feel good today.
Me: I know you don’t feel good today. You look like you’re not feeling well.
Olivia: My feet are cold.
Me: Let me check. Your feet are cold! Do you want me to get your footies on?
Olivia: Yes, please.
Olivia: I’m so tired.
Me: You need to get your rest.
Olivia: Can you say that one prayer?
Me: Angel of God my guardian dear,
to whom his love commits us here,
ever this day be at our side,
to light, to guard, to rule and guide.
Olivia: Thank you. I like that one.
Me: Me, too. (She confirmed my responses with a small squeeze of her hand.)
Olivia: The thing I missed most these last few years was learning. I missed reading, researching and studying. And I miss the music. How much longer do I have here?
Me: I really don’t know. Once you pass into spirit, it is my belief that you are always learning new things. Each person in spirit has things they do that keep them busy.
Olivia: Are you sure we will be able to communicate once I’m gone?
Me: We can communicate if you want to.
Olivia: Good.
(She got a confused, almost fearful look on her face.)
Olivia: Where am I?
Me: You are in a nursing home.
Olivia: I’m not in the hospital?
Me: No, you are in a nursing home. (She settled down.)
Me: If you have the ability and want to cry, I will wipe your tears. If you want to do that, I am here for you. (Her eyes and her nose started to get red, as if she were about to cry, but she didn’t actually do so.)
Olivia: I can’t. I want to but I can’t. I can’t do it. I don’t know how. I get so frustrated. Something as simple as crying… and I can’t do it!
Me: That’s Okay, no worries, I’m here. I’ll hold your hand, OK?
Olivia: Yes, hold my hand. That would be nice.
To my own confusion, Olivia suddenly repeated the series of questions she had just asked me. After I reassured her that she was in the nursing home, she settled down again and we resumed our “conversation.”
Olivia: I want to thank you for being here with me.
Me: I want you to know, I enjoy being here with you.
Olivia: I wish I had a legacy.
Me: You do. I have heard two songs you sang. You really have a beautiful voice. Those songs you sang are beyond words, and will allow your memory to live on for many years.
Olivia: You heard my songs?
Me: Yes, I heard your songs.
Olivia: They are recorded?
Me: Yes, they are recorded.
Olivia: That’s good.
Olivia: Will you be here.
Me: When?
Olivia: When it’s my time.
Me: If hospice calls me and tells me you are in your final time, yes. I have to get that approved through hospice.
Olivia: I would like that.
Me: Me, too.
Olivia: Is this real? Are the two of us communicating?
Me: I believe it is.
Olivia: Can you promise me you won’t tell anyone? I don’t want anyone to stop you from coming.
Me: Okay.
Olivia: Can you stay longer?
Me: I have to go to work soon.
Olivia: Will you come back?
Me: Yes, certainly I will come back.
Olivia: Will you say that one prayer again before you go?
Me: Angel of God my guardian dear,
to whom his love commits us here,
ever this day be at our side,
to light, to guard, to rule and guide.
Olivia: I’m tired.
Me: I know. I’m going to go now. I’ll be back.
Olivia: God bless you.
Me: God bless you too, Olivia. Many blessings to you.
I had promised Sheryl, the volunteer coordinator, that if I made any connection with Olivia, I would tell her. After the last two visits, I was confident that communication had been made. When I told Sheryl about the thoughts I had received, she was excited that Olivia would now be able to visit with someone. We agreed that our silence about this turn of events was still in the best interest of patient confidentiality.
March 8
Olivia remained on my mind all night, like she was trying to call out to me. When I awoke in the morning, she was still in my thoughts. I felt I needed to see her again today, so when I left the house, I went to the nursing home. One of the aides asked if I had been there yesterday and I told her I had. She joked that I should be put on staff.
Today, Olivia was in the chair by the nurses’ station when I arrived. When she heard my voice, she visibly perked up. I asked if I could take her in the next room, and the male nurse said that was fine as long as I brought her back, because she couldn’t stay in there alone. I agreed.
I moved her over by a window so she could get some sunlight. She made sounds in her throat, and I asked her if she wanted to talk. In her telepathic communication, she said her legs were cold. Sure enough, her legs were cold. I rearranged the blanket so it covered her legs.
As I started to give her Reiki through her right hand, she asked if I could hear her. I acknowledged that I could, and I sensed a very firm “GOOD” from her. She wanted to hear the Angel Prayer again, so I recited that.
I asked if she wanted to get something off her chest today, and again I sensed a very firm “YES.” I said I would repeat what she said and asked her to squeeze my hand if I had heard her right. She said telepathically, “We don’t need to do that anymore – we’re beyond that. You can hear me.”
It seemed like she was really ready to vent. She hadn’t had anyone to talk to for so long, and I could feel the energy mount as I sat next to her. I decided to try to divert her attention and give her some Reiki first.
Me: I have been thinking about our last conversation. I think you could travel outside your body and go places that you want to go.
Olivia: You mean I can leave here? How does that work? (She said in a cross tone.)
Me: I’m not sure. Have you met someone by the name of Christine?
Olivia: Yes, I think so. Who is she?
Me: She is one of your guides. Christine may be able to help you get to places outside your room. It’s called astral projection and it’s sort of like allowing your soul to travel. When I go today, call for her and she can help you do this.
Olivia: Really?
Me: Yes, I feel she can.
Olivia: Okay, I’ll do that.
I explained that I had made contact with Christine and that she wanted to help Olivia in any way she could. Then Olivia made an angry face and said in a very firm tone, “Stop talking! Who gave anyone the right to extend this miserable life? All of these treatments and procedures… who gave them the right? I knew from watching my grandmother and my mother what would happen. Why couldn’t they just let me be? I wonder if any of those people would have done this if they had spent any amount of time in my place! Self-centered… So much time has gone by with no one. No sounds, no books, no music!
Me: Slow down, I’ll be here for a while. Let me see if I understand you. I don’t know why they did what they did to extend your life. (Then I said something that was totally the wrong thing.) Maybe they thought it was for your best interest.
Olivia: If I hear that one more time, well, I just wish I could scream! (She then made a throat noise.) As I said, self-centered. So many days… You don’t really understand … the loneliness.
Me: You’re right, I can’t imagine the loneliness. I know you are angry and you have every right to be on so many levels. (Then I said something else without thinking…again.) If it helps you to squeeze my hand to release the anger, you may do so. (I thought she was going to cut off the circulation! I had no idea the frail woman in that bed could have so much strength! I tried not to let it show that she was on the verge of really hurting me! At one point, I felt if she didn’t let go soon, she would break my hand. Then she finally released my hand.)
Me: Is that any better?
Olivia: Not really, I often wished ill will against those who didn’t let me go. Then I would realize that wasn’t right and then I felt bad.
Me: I don’t know how I would act in your place. I might have those same thoughts. You know you are not a bad person don’t you?
Olivia: Sometimes I wonder. Otherwise, why would this have happened to me? (Her eyes became red, as if she wanted to cry.)
Me: I don’t know why this happened to you. From what I understand, genetics played a huge part and I don’t know if that is something you could have gotten away from. Let’s get back to you being a good person. You know you are a good person, right?
Olivia: I tried to be, but sometimes I have thoughts that are ugly.
Me: For what it’s worth, I think you are a beautiful person. I think your beautiful, bright blue eyes tell a story that only you can express. You are a truly wonderful person that I am so blessed to have gotten to know these past few months.
Olivia: I feel the same. May I call you friend?
Me: That would be more than an honor!
Olivia then took one of my hands and slowly started to move it closer to her face. I could tell she was trying very hard to focus. After a bit, using both her hands, she held mine to her mouth. I was just watching at that point and wondering if this was one of her involuntary movements. Then I realized the movement was too calculated and she seemed to be too focused, so this had been intentional. Then she kissed the top of my hand and telepathically expressed a heartfelt, “Thank you.” My eyes welled up and I almost started to cry. I would have never imagined she had the energy or coordination to do anything like this. She caught me quite off guard, but I will always remember that moment!
We just sat and looked at each other for a few minutes without exchanging any thoughts.
Olivia: Thank you for being here with me. You make me calm.
Me: You are quite welcome. Thank you for all you do for me.
Olivia: For you? What do I do?
Me: You have opened a whole new world for me.
Olivia: I don’t know what I did before you came into my life. Will you be back soon?
Me: Yes, but not for a couple of days.
Olivia: Okay.
Me: Would you mind if I brought Sheryl with me? She is the hospice volunteer coordinator.
Olivia: (She got a look of panic on her face.) Do you trust her?
Me: Yes, she is the only one there who I can trust with this stuff.
Olivia: How much have you told her?
Me: Some, but I have kept the confidential stuff confidential.
Olivia: Good.
Olivia: (She thought a minute) Okay, she can come. You must promise me that you will not tell anyone we can communicate. They will stop you from coming. I couldn’t live like that again. You have to promise me!
Me: I promise. I have to go now. I’ll be back. (I was very glad she agreed. We wouldn’t have been able to avoid Sheryl’s visit, and I really don’t know why I asked her. I guess I felt the need to try to give Olivia a say in the matter since she probably hadn’t had much control in her life in the past few years.)
Olivia: Okay, thank you and God bless.
Me: God bless you, too! Oh, see if you can reach Christine!
Her eyes followed me as I left the room.
March 9
Today as I was driving in my car, I sensed a presence.
Me: Olivia, is that you?
Olivia: (I heard a very energetic tone.) YES!
Me: Very cool! It seems you have hooked up with Christine.
Olivia: Yes, I just wanted to see if this works. I wanted to see if I could find you and thank you.
Me: You are quite welcome. You may stay.
Olivia: No, I am going. I have places to go!
Me: Okay.
About two minutes later, the sensation returned.
Me: Olivia, is that you again?
Olivia: Oops, sorry, I was trying to go somewhere else. I didn’t mean to bother you.
Me: No bother. You may stay as long as you like.
Olivia: No, I’m going.
I was thrilled she had connected with Christine. I felt there was a reason for this and that it would be revealed in days to come. It wasn’t my business to ask why she needed to travel. I just felt the need to tell her she had help.
This “travel” Olivia experienced is referred to as astral travel or astral projection. The process is also sometimes called an “out-of-body experience” – and it happens when the spirit separates from the physical body for a period of time. This separation does not mean the person has died, but it does happen when the body is in total relaxation and has consciously released all tension. Once the spirit, or etheric body, has separated from the physical body, it is possible to “travel” in the dimension called the Astral Plane, the second of the seven levels.
The etheric body gives vitality, health, life and organization to the physical body. It attunes the consciousness to the principle of Energy.
March 12
During a Reiki session at my office I sensed more company.
Olivia: Hi. May I watch?
Me: Sure. Welcome to my office. Do you have something on your mind?
Olivia: Can you do both at the same time?
Me: Yes. The energy is already flowing. I’m just a conduit.
Olivia: Okay. I have seen Brian. He just sits there staring so much of the time. He has many dogs. They are around him. They know when I am there.
Me: Yes, animals are very sensitive to a spirit presence. I’ve read that dogs have a natural sixth sense and are especially aware of spirit activity.
Olivia: I had a dog when I was young and she was my best friend. Mostly I remember my mother having to spend time with my grandmother. Then as I got older, my stepfather had to take care of my mother. It seemed as if someone was always taking care of someone. I never really had a chance to enjoy my youth.
Me: What is your best memory of your younger years?
Olivia: Going to college. That was when I got a break from all the illness. I had a chance to have some normalcy for a while. I almost didn’t go because I felt guilty for leaving the burden on my family.
Me: That is where you met Brian?
Olivia: Yes. At first he was very charming and fun. The love I felt for him was instantaneous and it was the story you read in love novels. We were married and things were good for a while. Then I felt he wanted more from me. With the bombshell of my diagnosis, that was the end of our “story book” romance. I do have to give him credit for staying all this time. I did get to see he is also living with the loneness of this disease. It’s not fair for any of us. I love him so much.
Me: You called him self-centered earlier. Don’t you suppose the best gift of all, for Brian and for yourself, would be forgiveness and best wishes for happiness?
Olivia: I see where you are going with this.
Me: Do you? You see he has experienced loneliness, too, right?
Olivia: Yes.
Me: You know you are not the only one who is alone now, right?
Olivia: Yes.
Me: Can you forgive him unconditionally?
Olivia: Unconditionally?
Me: Yes. In your case, not forgiving him would be, well, self-centered, wouldn’t it?
Olivia: How did you get so smart?
Me: I guess it’s from experiences with people like you!
Olivia: Fair enough!
Me: I guess time will tell. When you do forgive him, and he finds someone for companionship, that would be a beautiful gift from you, right?
Olivia: That would prove to be verification.
Me: Yes, it would.
Olivia: He did seem like he was a lonely, lonely man. I did feel sorry for him.
Me: You see he isn’t out having the time of his life every day.
Olivia: Yes.
Me: You keep bringing him up. You still have a lot of feelings for him.
Olivia: Yes, I believe I do. When are you coming to see me next?
Me: Tomorrow.
Olivia: Good.
Me: I need to finish up here.
Olivia: I should go.
Me: Okay, I will see you tomorrow.
Olivia: Okay, God bless you.
Me: Blessings to you, Olivia.
